Raak my in die taxi weer.
*Yelling* DATE NIGHT! DATE NIGHT! DATE NIGHT!
It has been months and months since I have been on a decent fucking date.
Last guy, had brain damage.
This guy has a brain. A sizable brain in a very pretty and tall holder. We walked and talked and ate delicious food in a mosquito infested park (I have multiple bites!) and then drank some beers and walked hella more. I honestly could have talked to him all night but I ended it due to me having to wake early for work.
Walking to my car we had topics like: high fiving low hanging tree branches, ex girlfriends/boyfriends, home schooling (he was home schooled which tells a lot), life experiences (I have exactly zero in that department), beers and drinking, living in the most beautiful city, open vs. polyamory vs. monogamous relationships, and then ended with talking about sex. We walked 60 blocks.
We ended at my car where a flurry of kissing ensued. Also hands and legs all over each other. He was the dominant type, which I have run into one time before (I will explain in a later post). I totally pussed out though. I ended it because I wasn’t prepared to be so attracted/willing to be dominated to him and also, I didn’t want it to end if he just wanted to fuck. I guess I could have asked, but really I was feeling another date and if I can get another deep honest conversation and connection with a “new to me” fuck then I will take it. I’m a three date kinda girl, is that a thing? Copyrighting right now. Plus, I am not so cool with my body yet. I have been working really hard on telling myself I am beautiful, I want to keep my streak of not criticizing my body going. Guys, who have always been a source of esteem for me, are a new thing and I need a little time to be okay with that step.
If he thinks I’m ugly or less then something he wants to be down with, well, fuck him. I’m over worrying about that shit.
I need a little time to adjust. To adjust to your sexy body hitting on a once fatty fat fat, whoops! I’mma cunt… Whoa, that was outta hand. Phew.
I have dated some very attractive men, but boy oh boy I have self esteem issues.
I am insecure with myself and decisions I make in my life.
Like staying awake until 11:09pm when I wake at 5:40 am.
I have a date tonight and I am VERY nervous OMG I hope I don’t die.
Why do I fall in love so easy?
I’ve been watching The Chris Gethard Show all day. It’s the best decision I have ever made.